Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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