We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How's work?
Spinning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
