My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
that is very illegal...i love you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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