i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
