we're blogging at a bar
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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