I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize