My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
