The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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