my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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