Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
