Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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