I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
