I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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