His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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