Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
