First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
did you just send me my own nude
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
