I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
