i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
