The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
