So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
