When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize