they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
