When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
