how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
