I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
smell my finger.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
