I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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