I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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