he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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