Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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