Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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