maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
