This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and you said cock pushups were impossible
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
