omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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