it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
