porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
