Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize