You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
