just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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