She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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