Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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