TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
