Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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