After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
