TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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