i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
