i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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