I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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