I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
