Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
