you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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