I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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