and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
