he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
