fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
