My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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