I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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