do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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