Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
