So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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