This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
