My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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