I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
