Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
