It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
