Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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