Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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