i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
