he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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