we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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