I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
