Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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