it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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