Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
