you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
