Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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