but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
