I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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