it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
