You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
