I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
