Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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