I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
