she was so not down for the gang bang
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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