Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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