You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
