Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
