I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you would pick up someone in the library
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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