evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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