so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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