he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
