New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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