she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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